Embarking on My First Ethnic Studies Class!

     This quarter I am taking my very first social science and behavior class: Asian American Studies. Now, because my adolescence was comprised mainly of scrolling through Tumblr, understanding the world in terms of social issues is weirdly important to me. I'm not taking this class simply because it's a G.E. I've enrolled myself in the course because I actually want to expand the way I think about the world around me. As it stands, I feel like an ignorant white girl. Which I am, obviously. And though I can never completely understand the hardships and the depths of racism because I was born white in suburban America, I'd like to at least chip away at the 'ignorant' part of my title. I want to become more aware of the world around me; I want to learn about how the events of the past still affect the relations between different cultures today, and how past migrations manifest themselves in today's geography. I just think it's really interesting, I suppose.

     Embarking on this endevour has come with a lot of fears, however. And I'm going to level with you, the main one is that I'm racist and just don't know it. I'm in constant worry that there are behaviors I do, or thoughts that go through my mind, that are problematic, but I am just not consciously aware of it. I am concerned about this all of the time. So when taking this class, there's this nagging fear that it will unfold some ugly aspect of my personality that I did not know existed. Basically, I am terrified to raise my hand to answer a question, in fear that my answer will be wrong, and thus somehow extremely insensitive or offense. Maybe that's a normal concern, or maybe it isn't, or maybe this whole post is just going to cast me in a bad light. But hey-- at least I am aware of the fact, and willing to admit, that I'm not the most knowledgeable person when it comes to the subject of race. And I want to learn. That is the point, after all.

     I'm also worried that I'll have trouble wrapping my head around the larger concepts of the course. My professor speaks with a quickness and a vocabulary that implies the listener should have some base knowledge of what she is talking about. She refers to the subjects of race, class, and gender in a very unspecific way. Sometimes it feels like there is no in-depth teaching, just an overview of what I'm supposed to understand on my own. But a quarter is only ten weeks, and it's an incredibly complex subject. Though, over the past three weeks, I've definitely learned things about life as a Filipino American in the early 1900s, I still kind of feel like I don't understand anything. I suppose it's troublesome for me because I have a very rational and almost math-like quality to my thinking... and there is no straight-forward memorization when trying to wade your way into the complexity of social issues. There is so much on-my-own critical thinking, that half the time I'm not even sure where I stand in the class, or what grade I will receive.

However, after splitting up into little discussion groups last Friday, I've come to realize that I'm not the only person having difficulties grappling with the subject matter. I'm going to try to keep that in mind when I'm struggling with school; everyone is doing their best, but that doesn't mean everyone is automatically doing better than me. It's all good. From what I've observed:

• Just do the reading. Even if you're feeling behind in your thought process, if you do the reading, you will know the equal amount to what everyone else in the class knows.
• TAKE NOTES when doing the reading. Being able to flip back through the notes I've made while reading the chapter has not only helped me retain the information, but it has been incredibly useful to refer back to during discussion. You'll feel much more confident about your points if you see evidence from the text written right in front of you.
• Realistically, you can't swallow the many aspects of an ethnic studies class in one week of classes. Don't expect yourself to be able to. There's no formula to memorize, that you can put into practice and in doing so, find yourself an irrefutably correct answer. The more you read and the more closely you pay attention, you can gather information over time. And that information will be put into the context of the larger concepts, and within a few weeks, a little map of the different things you know will appear. The bigger picture, with all its intricacies and dimensions, is not going to be clear right away. That takes a lot of time.

 
     The great thing about this course so far is that it has definitely gotten my wheels turning. I've already had my eyes opened a number of times, especially in how an "American" is pictured. The typical American, in the context of history, is almost always white. In the early 1900s, white people were considered "Americans," while people of color were considered foreigners, even if they were born on U.S. soil. This depiction of the "typical American" is quite fascinating to me. What does an "American" mean to us now? And of course, because I'm a Film and Media Studies major, I'm always wondering about how race is represented in film. There's a concept that I've been obsessed with for quite a while: How does one create a character of color that adequately and realistically represents his or her culture without becoming a stereotype? How does one find that perfect balance without being a person of that race? Is it possible? It's very fascinating to me. Because, let's face it, the majority of people in the film industry are white males, and though I want so badly for there to be more diversity of people behind the camera, I think it's equally as important to have people of color represented respectfully on screen. But I'm constantly wondering how to create that perfect character. I still have no idea, but hopefully every class I take will get my closer to an understanding!

♥ Happy Learning ♥ 

My Rook Piercing: 5 Months Later

I can already tell this is going to be a very short and unspecific post, but considering I blogged about my rook piercing when it was first born, I figure I should at least give a final update now that it has healed!

The Week of My Rook Piercing, August 2012 vs. 5 Months Later, January 2013

So I've made it: five months into my rook piercing! According to the person who pierced it over the summer, in theory, it should be completely healed. I can now take the jewelry out, if I so desire. I don't think I ever will though; my whole attraction to the rook piercing was the look of the simple, silver barbell. But most importantly, it never hurts anymore! Now that my rook piercing has healed, I hardly notice it. I clean it with a Q-Tip and Bactine, as I explained in a update post months ago, every few days or whenever it's looking a little worse for wear. It's been months since I've done a salt soak or washed the area four times a day. The maintenance level is now next to none. And, as you can see from the photos above, the swelling has gone down considerably. No more throbbing or monitoring what side of my body I'm allowed to sleep on!

     Overall, I am very happy with my rook piercing. I'll admit, the pain was a bit much at the beginning, especially about five days after getting my ear pierced. I did considering taking it out within the first few weeks, but I'm quite relieved that I didn't. The barbell looks sick, and I still get comments about it all the time! I especially like the look with dangling earrings on the lobes. You've just got the deal with the pain for a little bit, and then, I promise (unless it gets inflected... lord jesus I cannot imagine haha) everything will get better!

I don't know what else to say really... obviously it's not a necessary purchase to make in your life, but I'm glad I chose to do so! I love the way it looks, and I love it even more now that I don't have to baby its growth any longer. Plus, knowing I was able to handle one of the most painful ear piercings is pretty cool, honestly :P 

♥ Happy Piercing ♥  

Homecoming - 1/12/13

 This post is overdue, and relatively useless. But I spent the day sneaking pictures on my phone, just to make a short and photo-ish post! On January 12th, my university hosted its Homecoming festivities. I'm not really sure what the point of Homecoming at college is; I believe it's something sports-related? There was a basketball game after the street fair... Either way, my friends got caricatures, very inventive balloon animals (someone wore a balloon Eye of Sauron of his head!!), and incrediblly good sandwiches. My sorority set up a booth, and trying to produce cotton candy is a lot more fun and complicated than one would expect! Plus, that night, my hallmates and I all watched Inglourious Basterds together. Basically, it was a good day, and even though I didn't have the means to take good-quality photos, I still wanted to share the experience!

 ♥ Happy Living ♥ 

WHOMP.

     As made evident by this past week, I've come to realize that this Quarter is going to be rough one for me. Not to say that is not going to be lovely, some absolutely wonderful things have happened in the last several days, but my level of schoolwork has definitely reached new heights. Yesterday, I spent six and half hours on a Saturday night doing homework. And I still have a lot to do before the end of this three-day weekend. But now that I've got my thoughts organized for my two upcoming papers, I've spent every night this week contributing to Winter Recruitment for my sorority, I've moved upstairs into my best friend's room, and she's visiting home until Monday, I'm giving myself the morning to relax. I did some reading for Asian American Studies this morning, but for the past hour, I've just been sitting in bed and watching YouTube videos. How every Sunday should be. I'm also working on some posts, because I really neglected Silver Screened this week!

Until I can get my shit together, here are some of the videos I spent my morning with (:

Holden, J.D., and the Red Cap - The Catcher in the Rye Part 2
This is part of John Green's Crash Course series about English Literature. I read The Catcher in the Rye during my Freshman year of high school, and all I remember about the book was that I really loved it. I am also a huge fan of John Green, and it's just a really enjoyable and interesting video with history tid-bits and life lessons. My favorite segement in this edition is definitely the open letter! Click here to see Part 1 of this video.

 

Meet My Best Friend | Zoella
Over Winter Break, I developed a bit of a Zoe and Louise situation. I just think they are beautiful people who make entertaining, weird, funny, and genuine videos. And the two of them post quite often, so I've enjoyed catching up today. Plus, the bloopers video is hilarious.

  

HOW TO SPEND 48 HOURS IN NYC
 I have been watching DailyGrace since 2011, and seeing her life go well is strangely important to me. Since moving to L.A., Grace seems really happy, and it reflects in her videos! She always has mock-miserable thing going on in her traveling videos, so they are always funny, but this one in particular put me in a good mood. Plus, she's hanging with the Green brothers!

Day in the life of #19 SNOW DAY
I absolutely love vlogss! I think vlogs are my favorite type of YouTube video. And over Winter Break, Cathy introduced me to this adorable ball of energy by the name of Melon Lady. These descriptions are getting more repetitive as I go on, so I apologize... but she is so funny! And I honestly just love the sound of her voice.

♥ Happy Watching ♥ 

Les Miserables: A Video Review

     As you could probably guess, the video below was filmed in my car, in the movie theater parking lot, during Winter Break. I actually love this review as a whole. And after a week, my lasting impression of this movie is that it is excellent! However, it is also quite long with A LOT of singing. I'll admit, I found myself missing spoken dialogue. If it's your first musical, be prepared! Watching Les Miserables is definitely a marathon, not a sprint. The emotions are also something to brace yourself for, because most people experience a flood of them. I'll admit it: I cried. And really, if a viewer cries in a theater full of strangers, I feel that the film has done something very significant indeed. But the film definitely ended on an uplifting note!!

My excitement for this movie has been a bit of a rollercoaster: first, I cringed at the prospect of a musical, then the previews made me really excited, then I forget about its existence, and finally, I started hearing people's positive comments about Les Miserables and grew more intrigued as Winter Break wore on.

I caved, and here is the aftermath! I personally am in love with this video.

Also, here's a tiny Outfit of the Day for that fine film-reviewing day (: A dress from H&M about a year ago, ditto for the cardigan, my new Forever 21 necklace, a non-working watch that I acquired from Cathy's older sister, and my new flats from Urban Outfitters!

     I've got plans for some wordy posts coming up soon! I just need to find the time to write them! (: Plus, this weekend I will maybe get to see Gangster Squad with my friends, so we'll see if that results in a review. I have mixed feelings on the film at this moment, mostly because of the way the film looks in its trailers. Is it just me, or do the visuals look extremely fake? Even the actors on screen look like a hybrid of animation and reality. Very curious indeed... But Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone were heaven in Crazy Stupid Love, so we shall see! 

Also, shameless plug: The entire time I was writing this post, I listened to Cathy's Feminism playlist.

♥ Happy Watching ♥ 

Winter Break: What I'll Miss and What I Won't

     Though I intended to write this at the end of the Winter Break, and before I returned to school, here I am: in my hall at UC Irvine. I must say, it's quite a relief to be back. But being overwhelmed with schoolwork after only the third day of classes makes me more qualified, I feel, to weigh in on some cons of being here once again. It's very easy to romanticize a place when you're not in it, and I like to be as accurate as possible! So here we go-- what I will miss about Winter Break 2012-2013, and what I won't.

     What I Will Miss    

1. My Wheezy. (My best friend). This reason for missing home is miles above the rest. All of my good memories from Winter Break involved my best friend, Cathy, as you may or may not have picked up on. I love her so much and will miss her way more than anything else about my hometown.
2. Getting into blogging! It's definitely going to be a struggle working this around my busy college schedule. But I want to do my best. When I finish writing something I'm really proud of, there's this ineffable feeling in my chest. I'm going to do my best to post twice a week, I promise you!!
3. Driving. I didn't realize how much I missed it until I got behind the wheel.
4. My desktop. Using my desktop, with my giant widescreen monitor, after months of being on a laptop was like upgrading from a puddle to a jacuzzi. Haha.
5. Relaxing. As I hinted at in the introduction, it is literally three days into the quarter and I have a mountain of homework I'm choosing to ignore at the moment. I've got French flashcards to create, five chapters of the language to basically relearn because I didn't keep up over break, about 100 pages of Faust left, plus reading the introduction to my first textbook for my Asian American Studies class. Welp. I'll miss not having to stress about my grades, and never being completely done with homework. 

     What I Definitely Will Not Miss     

1. BEING BORED 80% OF THE TIME. On the other side of the "relaxation" coin is painful,  mind-melting, toe-curling boredom. This point should really fill up five bullet points... because having nothing to do was my absolute least favorite part of the break. I hated sitting in my room, day after day, sulking in pajamas and trying to find something on Netflix to keep my mild attention.
2. Not being able to see my college friends and my boyfriend. Being back at school has brought this point to my attention even moreso than it was during Winter Break. I missed my friends so much; I've never fit in with a group of people more. And though I won't ever resign myself to a lifestyle where my happiness depends on my boyfriend, having him nearby has made my days just that much brighter.
3. The experiences that are impossible at home: staying up until 3AM for no reason whatsoever, drunken heart-to-hearts, hall dinners, group study sessions, being able to aimlessly meandering about the hall until you find someone to hang out with, group walks to fast food joints, nap parties.
4. Having to figure out food for myself. As unappealing as the food in commons is, attempting to fix a meal for myself is even moreso. I haven't leveled up to the stage in adulthood where I can effectively feed myself. Someday, maybe; but today is not that day. 
5. Walk everywhere. I missed driving, but I missed the long strolls while away.
6. Freedom. It's pretty childish and very predictable, but I love being in charge of my own life. Living by a curfew and the obligation to inform my mother of my every move was a bit difficult after months of finally doing whatever the hell I wanted. Having the freedom to choose my own path, whether that path leads to In-N-Out at 1AM or to the library for some focused studying, is certainly my favorite part of college. 

Winter Break was not unbearable, it just felt like such a waste of time. Unless I was doing something with Cathy, I was bored out of all sanity and it felt like my brain was filled with static; there was nothing to stimulate my mind, so it just droned on for three weeks about nothing at all. In high school, I used to spend days alone in my bedroom, scrolling Tumblr and thinking maybe my life would start soon. I feel like now it finally has. I'm finally out of the waiting room, and I can't handle being back inside it. There's no going back to that lifestyle, as grateful as I am to have had it the past few years. Now, I'm at a point in my life where I constantly want to be experiencing something. And this Winter Break, worthwhile moments were few and far between. Thus, I'd give it a 6/10 maybe?! I don't know man, I love college!

♥ Happy Living ♥ 

Faintly French: Films #2 and #3

Well........ this project has certainly been a bit of a fail, hasn't it? I'm now one day away from finishing Winter Break, and I've seen a total of three French films. Although the original goal was two French movies a week, and though I've certainly had the time to easily achieve that, I've only managed to see one each week of the break. Hopefully I'll squeeze in one more before I get back to school tomorrow. But I also, in theory, have the entirety of Faust to read before I resume classes this Monday, so we'll see how that goes.

Last week, I watched a film called Heartbreaker for Faintly French #2.

(Photo from nynatas.org)

 
  Overall, I'd say this is a solid romantic comedy, but unfortunately for me, the romantic comedy is not really a genre I enjoy. Which is why it's stupid that I've chosen two French romcoms so far to review... But Netflix said I would like it! And for whatever reason, I kind of assumed that French romantic comedies would be a cut above American ones. However, I found it to be extremely predictable, and more than a tad bit boring. But I also think that Heartbreaker is a least a little bit funnier than other romantic comedies! I even laughed out loud during one scene. Despite how much I love films, I rarely laugh out loud during them, and so I'd say that's quite an achievement! 

Also, I thought there was a very interesting blend of English and French in this film. To me, it felt as though the filmmaker assumes that the viewer is a native French speaker, but knows English as well. The dialogue is mainly in French, but the fiancee (Andrew Lincoln from The Walking Dead?! No idea he was British?!?!) spoke English for the most part. Also, all of the music featured English vocals and a large portion of the movie centers around the American film Dirty Dancing. I haven't seen many French films obviously, but is this integration of English and American culture common? Let me know! It's quite interesting!

So, overall, I would say that Heartbreaker is quite an average film. I don't think I would watch it again, but it was certainly not a cringe-worthy experience. I definitely need to break out of the romantic comedy genre!! I've been trusting Netflix, which isn't exactly the smartest approach. Netflix is composed of the rejects of society, with a few extremely good films mixed in. It's definitely gotten more quality with time... Still, you can't expect to find gems every time!

But sometimes you do. The next film I watched is called Tomboy. 

(Photo from IMPAwards.com)

I'm trying to decipher my feelings about this film, mostly because I wasn't expecting to get into it, but I got much more emotionally invested than I intended. A simple movie like this would normally bore me, yet this film didn't at all. Coming away from it, I'm harboring a bundle of mixed emotions.

     First of all, I feel it's really important to point out how much I loved the camerawork in this movie!! There was something very simple and sweet and tender about it; the shots were discreet and to-the-point at the same time. And they did one of my favorite things to do with a camera: make ordinary activities beautiful. Just have to get that out of the way before I start discussing content (:

     After finishing this film, I felt quite sad for Mikael (I will be referring to Laure/Mikael as Mikael because honestly I think that is who he truly wants to be and I'm going to respect that). First of all, on a very basic level, it must be quite difficult to battle with the fact that you may have been born into the wrong sex. Then imagine moving to a new town, a completely new start, and you get this opportunity to be who you really want to be. You make this great group of friends that you can act like yourself around, though on the surface, it's a lie. You find this girl you really like. Your sister finds out you're pretending to be a boy, but instead of fighting this the whole way, she actually gets really accepting really quickly. She tells grand stories of her "older brother" and loves playing along. And for a while, things are going okay, even though you still spend every moment alone struggling with your gender identity. And then... everything falls apart at once.

     It was never an ideal situation to begin with, because Mikael had to essentially lie to his friends in order to be as close to himself as he could be. But to see his mother appalled at her daughter pretending to be a boy, and to see Lisa call their romance 'disgusting', and to see all of Mikael's friends abandon him kind of broke my heart. The entire movie, I was petrified about someone revealing Mikael's born sex and having to see him humiliated. And then all of my fears came true. 

    Though I suppose, his family was more accepting than they could have been. Even his mother told him that pretending to be a boy didn't make her sad... She just couldn't see a way of continuing the lie. I wish she could have acted more understanding, especially because this couldn't have been a complete surprise, honestly! She must have done some observation over the last couple of months. Though she could have assumed her daughter was just a "tomboy," isn't it fair to speculate that the idea must have crossed her mind at least once? True, it's wrong to assume that a girl wishes she were a boy just because she doesn't wear dresses. And keeping with that concept, I think that when a kid is trying to figure out who they are, as a parent, it's very important that you show support for whatever your kid does. If your daughter is a tomboy, support that. If your daughter is experimenting with makeup (I got made fun of by my aunt one time when I was in elementary school and trying to figure out makeup, and I spent like a half hour in the bathroom crying and trying to wipe it all off! We don't forget that shit! Even if I'm far past over the incident, haha.), let them experiment. If your daughter wants to be a boy, maybe you should have a conversation with your child, rather than slapping him and forcing him into a dress. I agree that a lie is a lie, and honesty is the best policy, but perhaps a more gentler approach could have been taken by Mikael's mother when dealing with the situation. 

From my experience, self-acceptance is fragile, and you've got to treat it as such.

(Photo from angrydance.tumblr.com)

My favorite relationship in the movie was that of Mikael and his little sister. There was so much love there. And being six years old, his little sister was one of the most understanding a loving characters of the film. But after all that happened in this story, I have quite a bit of respect for Lisa as well. I mean, if you think about the movie from her perspective, finding out Mikael's secret probably confused her to no end. She's only in the fourth grade, and for the first time, Lisa probably had to step back and ponder about her sexuality. If I liked Mikael, does that mean I like girls? But I thought he was a boy... But he's a girl. But I didn't know. But I still liked... her? Big things to be wondering at such a young age, for Mikael and Lisa both. And yet, when all of their friends abandoned him, Lisa still wanted to be in his life. She wanted a new start. Something to keep this great person in her life, though if she were an adult perhaps this would have been seen as insensitive, rejecting the name Mikael identifies with. But for Christ's sake, she's doing fabulously for her young age!

     Which brings us to the ending of this film. And the final line, "Je m'appelle Laure." Honestly, that moment left me incredibly dissatisfied. Somehow, after all of this, I had hoped that Mikael would be able to "find" himself and express himself accordingly. Instead, he presents himself as a girl. And I don't know what the smile at the end means: it cannot possibly mean that this kid now accepts the identity of Laure, after all of that questioning? I just don't think that could be so, that this child is simply a "tomboy" and that's it. I'm thinking that perhaps the smile signifies a freedom from having to lie anymore to this person he cares so much about. That is the only explanation that makes sense to me.

     But that conclusion means that for the time being, Mikael has to present himself with an identity that is not true to who he really is. And that... that is disheartening. But that is the struggle of the transgendered community, when they realize their true identity at such a young age and the environment around them is not accepting. Maybe I'm not making the right conclusion about this film, but that's my take on it. I think my mixed emotions are highly appropriate.

Wow, that was longer than intended! But after talking it out, I actually am kind of in love with this film. Great camerawork, great acting from such young children, great subject matter, great intellectual wheels turning in my head! This is the first new movie I've seen in 2013, and I'm thankful for it.

IN SHORT: I HIGHLY RECCOMEND THIS FILM!

♥ Happy Watching ♥

Cathy's OotD! And a Mini-Review of Django!!

 

     Perhaps you've already seen the music video thing I made about Cathy and my's day together... now enjoy her Outfit of the Day! As always, Cathy was looking extremely cute when I hung out with her last Saturday, and so I had to document it, as annoying as it may have been for her. Basically, I want to steal everything Cathy owns and then her sense of style so I can build glorious outfits for myself. But for now, enjoy the way she looks! Goddamn, woman!!!! Also, at the very bottom, enjoy a talky vlog about our day together!

Cathy's Outfit of the Day: 12/29/12

I actually filmed an incredible amount of footage on Saturday, and I included a lot less into the vlog than I originally intended hahaha :P It's only comprised of three clips now... of us talking and joking about the most random of things. I can't even tell if an outside viewer would enjoy it or think it is the slightest bit interesting?! At least the bit at the end about Django Unchained is intelligible... maybe? Cathy and I had quite a long conversation about the film (though there's only a little bit in our vlog), even though she hasn't seen it yet, and why I'm not even going to try and properly review it.

     But if you're really curious: I LOVED IT!! I saw it with my boyfriend and honestly it was incredible. The soundtrack makes me swoon. The cast was marvelous. The editing is a bit different, obviously, but there's nothing we can do about that :/ Sadly, Sally is gone and we have to give this new editor the benefit of the doubt!! There were parts that made me rightfully uncomfortable, there were parts that made me laugh (it's okay to think the bit about the extremely racist asshole's eyehole struggles was hilarious, yeah?), there were parts that I had to close my eyes during, and there were parts that made my heart swell and inspired me! I loved the blend of Western style, mis-matched genres of music, and badassery. Yep. I'm a big fan of Quentin Tarantino, and watching cast videos, it seems like they had a great time on set, which I always love to hear (:

     I'm not going to go much more into the movie and the controversy surrounding it, because I don't think I'm educated enough or naturally in the best position to do so! But please check out my favorite review I've seen so far: "Django Unchained" by queenofthewest on Tumblr.

Anyways, enjoy the video!! Haha I didn't mean for this to turn into my Django thoughts, but might as well!!

♥ Happy Watching ♥

A Tour of Wheezy's Room

     Hello friends! Tonight, we're going to take a tour around Cathy's room. Though this post is far overdue, and most of the pictures were originally taken on the 19th of December, the place hasn't changed much, and I still think it'll be an enjoyable experience! This is going to be a rather picture-heavy post, so that's nice on the eyes and a bit of rest for the brain (:  I was thinking of maybe explaining the aspects of her bedroom under each picture, but I think I'll just let them just speak for themselves. Enjoy!!

♥ Happy Living ♥