An Argument for Unselfish Social Interaction

     Hi everyone! So... it's been a while. While I would like to say that I am going to really commit to writing more often in the coming year, such certainty feels like an empty promise at this point. I will try. But I took on way too many commitments this academic year and this Fall Quarter has been, for various reasons, by far my worst since starting college. I will probably post some pictures from my adventures in Europe last summer, but it would be a bit tedious and overdue to go full-out and write about my travels. I barely remember the trip, if I am being completely honest. It feels like a strange dream I had one time. But today, I am going to write about something else entirely, with an important tie-in.

Me living my dream in front of Notre Dame de Paris.

     Though I am happy and incredibly grateful that I was able to go abroad last summer and visit so many places that I had only seen through a computer screen, there has been a thought plaguing my mind since returning to school: we may have missed the point. We may have missed the point of traveling. Being immersed in history is mind-boggling for certain, and seeing famous landmarks is a weird combination of completely normal and totally amazing. Sometimes being in a building is enough. For example, I cried sitting in the Notre Dame simply because it was the Notre Dame that I was sitting in, and I had been dreaming of sitting in the Notre Dame for years. I would not hesitate to revisit such a breath-taking place (but maybe not during July or August, the height of the tourist season.....). It is one of the only things in my life that I can refer to as a dream-come-true.

    But after returning to the United States, I wish we had not only seen all of this wonderful history and art, I wish we had MET more people. I wish we had more stories to tell. My cousins and I befriended a kid that we randomly kept running into in Rome, but he was not European. We gravitated towards him because he, like us, was a young Californian trying to figure out what to do with himself. He was cool, and I'm glad we had the opportunity to figure out Rome together. But of all the people we brushed shoulders with, why did we buddy up with the one guy that we could have run into anytime at home? 

    In most cities, we simply kept to ourselves... which is why I think we may have missed the point of traveling. I think the point, truly, is to meet people from different cultures than my own, and to expand my mind about what it is like to not be a nineteen year-old, white, middle-class woman from Southern California. The point is to learn, and to make crazy fun memories with the friends you meet. My cousins and I are all very shy people, but I wish we had set fire to that part of ourselves, and tried to have a drink with teenagers in pubs and converse with the travelers hanging out in the same hostel. That is MUCH easier said than done for someone with my personality. But I think I may have figured out how to make that change.

    Which brings us to December 21, 2013, the night of the Winter Solstice. The best party I have been to in a very long time. Cathy and her wonderful sister, Ali, planned a "feminist goth Winter Solstice party," that turned into a combination of dark decorations, black clothes, The Nightmare Before Christmas running in the background for a record five times, jam sessions with guitars and a ukelele, and baking delicious vegan cinnamon rolls. 

And no alcohol. 

     I knew exactly three people in a sea of unfamiliar faces, was not afforded any liquid courage, and somehow I spent the night doing nothing but speaking. Having CONVERSATIONS?! WITH STRANGERS?! It was strange and incredible. There was a point where I came downstairs and everyone I mildly recognized had disappeared, but somehow I fought the desire to hide out and just started talking to the remaining three in the living room. We bonded over our love for Cathy's oldest dog, and sat on the couch discussing family dynamics for a least twenty minutes. Later, I was at a table talking about body image with one of Cathy's closest friends, a girl I had just met for the first time. During jam sessions where we screamed out well-known tunes, I was complimented on my singing voice by strangers. And when I was overcome by a coughing attack (due to a lung infection I procured during Finals Week... fun) and had to excuse myself, a guy I had met an hour earlier stopped me to ask if I was alright. This probably sounds like a list of inconsequential things... but I have never felt this comfortable during a party. People being welcoming and inclusive?! Me not planted on the couch, downing a mixed drink and enduring forced small talk?! It's practically unheard of.

    The only word I can think of to describe the experience is "refreshing." Take what you will from that, but it was quite the change of pace from my usual strategy of: slink my way into the party, get overwhelmed, nervously grab the nearest drink, poorly play beer pong with an even worse partner, and end up drunk out of oblivion by the end of the night. With a head-pounding hangover the next day. I am used to conversations in which neither you nor the person you are talking to will remember the next morning, and so this new wave of connection got me really thinking about the way I approach social interaction in general.

 

The struggles of preparing vegan cinnamon rolls, and Cathy admiring her musical boo  

 

 Giovanni painting an eyeliner mustache on Chantal, and Ali preparing Winter Solstice decorations

     The problem that I face with parties is that I am too focused on how others perceive me. I try to be funny not for the enjoyment everyone can get from it, but so that people will think I'm funny. And I often end up drinking way too much because I try to shut up those voices telling me that I am as interesting as the wall behind me. I often end up not speaking at all because trying for small talk means trying to impress the other person.

    With the Winter Solstice party in mind, I have discovered that the reason I don't have fun at parties is purely the mindset behind it. This whole time, I have been going about social encounters all wrong... I have seen them in such a narcissistic way! The goal of a conversation should not be to win another person over, but to GET TO KNOW the person you are talking to. It seems so obvious. But because I tend to focus on how I am perceived, the person I am talking to doesn’t even matter. Does it make a difference who they are? No! Because in this mindset, that person does not exist as anything more than a potential source of validation or rejection. They are a receiver of the signals I am transmitting, and their reaction is the only thing I value them for. This needs to change. I may be the main character of my own life, but when I go out into the world, I should not be blind to all of the lives happening around me. I need to stop seeing parties as a room full of unfamiliar faces, but of human beings with human lives that I just haven’t met yet. They are people who deserve to be recognized and listened to.

    Often times I struggle with the feeling that I do not fit with the crowd I’m wading through, but that feeling should not be a source of anxiety. I’m figuring out that, maybe, it should be preferred. While there is only a handful of people who are similar to me, there are billions in the world who are extremely different. I should be trying to learn about their life and their unique experiences, and how they found themselves at this party to begin with. Being able to relate and be understood is wonderful, don't get me wrong. It can be so validating! But I have this new-found realization in me, telling me that I miss out on so much because I do not work to understand people who are so obviously and wildly different from me. 

Wise words taken from Pinterest.

    So I guess that's what this post is about. If you are like me, and parties make you incredibly nervous, don't just shut down and find the nearest drink to take the edge off. Have fun, but do not rely on alcohol to function in the discomfort. You don't need it! Just work on changing the way you think about social interaction. Do it selflessly! If you are out traveling, don't avoid eye contact for fear of getting sucked into a conversation. I was so embarrassed to be American while abroad that I tried not to speak altogether. Instead, no matter where you are, I encourage you to just go with it. 

    Strand yourself in the middle of the world and learn how to swim. Learn how to exist in a social space. Accept that it is okay to be uncomfortable, but do not let your discomfort stop you from fully experiencing the conversation at hand. It is important to be mindful of your words and actions, but don't do it for yourself. Don't be self-aware to gain fans, do it with the intention of making everyone else feel comfortable and respected. The world is filled to the brim with seven billion fascinating people with completely one-of-a-kind lives. Like you, they deserve to be validated and challenged and respected. You all could discover so many new things from spending five minutes together. So do it. Get out of your head, go beyond yourself, and take in so much more than the impression you give off. I have a feeling that with practice, this way of thinking will change everything.

♥ Happy Learning ♥

Travel Post #2: Berlin, Germany! (July 25th)

Outside of my sister's door, leftover from her American / 4th of July party.

July 25th, 2013

     After a wonderful 10 hours of sleep, the four of us had a "Big French Breakfast" at a restaurant called Rocco. If only all of our European meals were that lovely... Afterwards, this day became dedicated to running errands. I picked up tape at a grocery store for my travel journal (which was originally a horrid composition book, in which I had to literally tape every single page back in at the end of the day), and got two hand towels for 1,50€ each at a giant super department store called (I think?) Galerie. In addition, on this day we met up with my cousin's internet friend, Thilo! He lives in Berlin, and took us to an outdoor Italian restaurant for lunch. I had an interesting fusion of carbonated soda and lemonade known as Lemonsoda.

     In the midst of eating among the trees and aging buildings, I realized that it is okay to take things slowly when it comes to traveling. Though it cost an arm and a leg to get to Europe, and though I naturally wanted to see EVERYTHING that Berlin had to offer, I also had to be honest with myself. I was tired. It was hot outside. I was beyond thirsty, no matter how much water I drank. Most importantly, I had to let myself accept that despite everything, I was on vacation. This trip was not only a means of seeing the world, but an escape from my everyday and the stress that comes with it.  What was the point if I spent the entire trip working myself up over the things I missed? No matter how much there is to experience, there will always be more that you missed out on. So don't stress yourself out. Relax if needed. Make sure you're enjoying whatever it is that you are doing, whether that is seeing a famous landmark or eating a quiet lunch. Especially because most of the family groups on "vacation" that I encountered seemed nothing but time-restrained, stressed, miserable, and argumentative. But more on that when we get to Paris ;) Basically, LIVE YOUR DREAMS. But don't letting living your dreams get in the way of your mental wellness.

      The evening began with a heavenly visit to Schlachtensee, a lake outside of the city's center. It was a godsend in the form of cold water! Especially considering Berlin was experiencing a heat wave. Beyond that, everything about the experience was pure summer fun. People were rowing canoes on the water or balancing on a giant log or drinking wine from the bottle. It was so different from California, for the waterfront didn't even have a beach. There was only a small strip dirt in between the trees and the lake. I swam to the other end of our alcove, and there was only underwater grass and tree roots as the water got more shallow. Here, I met my sister's American friends, all studying abroad from schools in the United States. They were kind enough, immediately welcoming us into their group, and shared their lovely cherry wine with me. I'm thankful they were the talkative types. Now that I'm in training for my new job, I've realized it still takes a great deal of effort for me to meet new people. But Natalie's friends were outspoken, so I didn't have to be! Afterwards, we all walked to a friend's house in a lovely suburban neighborhood for a BBQ. The street was full of old houses and tall trees; it was very reminiscent of the East Coast. I feel like it could have been a setting for one of those ghost/haunting/horror movies. But we all hung out in the backyard, listened to good music, and I got to try both BACON STRIPS ON A STICK and A SLAB OF CHEESE GRILLED ON THE BARBEQUE. Delicious! A+, 10/10, would highly recommend. Especially the bacon on a stick!! BACON ON A STICK.

     At around 11pm, the four of us walked back to the S-Bahn and traveled on home. Despite what I thought, and it's a bit illogical that I used to think this, jet lag doesn't disappear after the first day. I wish we could have been true Berliners, staying up until 5AM with not a care in the world, but we were nowhere near that level. But that's alright- we needed the rest. Tomorrow, we were off to Sachsenhausen!

♥ To be continued... ♥

The Banshee: A Playlist

The Banshee from reservoirsnogs on 8tracks Radio.

     I've made another playlist that requires explanation! 

  While Cathy and I were talking about our excitement for Halloween (two months is not too early to get pumped....), we started devising plans for playlists. If you are beyond giddy that the season of haunts and candy is rapidly approaching, check out Cathy's new playlist: "Put On Your Costumes." It's full of Halloween-coated happiness!

     I, on the other hand, couldn't really figure out what I wanted to do. After much deliberation, I decided on a playlist about ghosts. Then, somehow over the next day, it evolved into an entire story surrounding folklore about the mythical Banshee. I'm not going to pretend I did a ton of research, but I tried to at least go beyond Wikipedia, and found a description on a website called "Your Irish."

 Here's a bit of info about the Screaming Banshee of Ireland:

"The first [of many legends] is that she is the ghost of a young woman who was brutally killed and died so horribly that her spirit is left to wander the world, watching her family and loved ones warning them [through an ear-deafening screech] when a violent death is imminent."

  According to the website, rather than thinking of the Banshee as an evil hag who drives her victims insane and brings about violent death (which I guess is a common school of thought in the world of folklore), Irish legend favors these ideas about the Banshee:

"The Banshee does not ‘bring’ death but warns that death is near and this gives the family a chance to prepare and it is not necessarily a violent death it may be of a family member that has lived to 106 years of age! She is there as an escort to ensure that the loved one passes safely to the other side."

      Somehow, these two descriptions about the Banshee culminated in my brain as a work of fiction.

Also, TW for some violence against women, I'm sorry :/

     The subject of this playlist was once a young woman who was brutally murdered in the middle of winter. Because of the emotional trauma of such a violent death, her soul remained on the Earth as a Banshee. At first, she does not realize what she has become. She is uncontrollably transported from home to home, suddenly flooded with an overwhelming sense of dread. The intensity of this emotion causes her to screech at the top of her lungs, for somehow she knows a death is about to occur. Leaving each family stunned, the woman is given no choice but to follow each victim and watch his or her demise. Her task makes itself known; she is to help these souls cross over to the other side. 

     When these victims perish, she appears to them. Some are relieved that death has finally come after a long, happy life. Some are children, confused at the very concept. The Banshee greets them all uncertainly, and eventually understands that she must explain to them their fate. Only when the victims are assured that someone knows of their death, that they are not just a body rotting with no one to care, do they cross over. This is why the Banshee's task is so vital: she gives the warning.

     But she did not receive the same consolation. The Banshee was murdered in the frost of a lonely wood, and though perhaps her family, too, was warned of death's approach, her mutilated body was never found. A funeral was never arranged, for they still held onto a lingering hope that maybe it was still a mistake, maybe she just ran away, maybe she'll be back in a little while. And so, the Banshee is unable to move on with the other spirits. For however brief or lengthy their meeting, the other souls cross over. But she is left on Earth, utterly alone. When she is not giving a warning, she cannot be seen by humans. And even so, her voice only echoes in each home for a moment or two. The Banshee exists only to aid death's victims, and at the end of each encounter, she ends up in isolation. 

     With the trauma of her own murder still weighing heavily upon her psyche, the constant presence of death makes the Banshee grow cold and pessimistic. Every demise brings flashbacks of her own. Every moment of loneliness becomes maddening. She begins to feel sick with feelings of hatred, isolation, dread, and bitterness. Her appearance no longer resembles the young woman she was. Instead, her eyes have grown hollow and black, her skin has become nothing but a thin sheet over rattling bones, and she has begun to notice that the souls she greets in their transition are increasingly afraid of her.

     At first, their frightened reactions serve as comfort. Her demonic exterior makes these victims feel as upset and horrified as she did after her murder. But soon, their tearful eyes and tensing shoulders no longer bring even a small sense of joy. She grows numb to joy's company. And not long after, she grows disturbed by its very presence. She begins to see herself in each person. Their fear and confusion mimics her own. Upon these subtle realizations, rather than forcing her into a deeper depression, her sense of compassion swells. As the Banshee's desire to help grows, her physical and mental state embody a figure of quiet kindess. Though her pain never quite fades, she begins to find solace in her temporary connections with departing souls. She begins to find meaning in aiding others, and easing their anxiety-ridden minds.

     Though her human form was tragically murdered before she had accomplished anything, the Banshee finds in death a sense of purpose far greater than any she would have experienced in life. 

 

     For the cover art, I edited this beautiful painting by Mark Demsteader. 

All of the songs on this playlist are sung by women, as to reflect the character in my story.

The Banshee

1.  The Ghost Who Walks by Karen Elson
2. Okay by Flyleaf
3. Every Single Night by Fiona Apple
4. Dark Paradise (Cover) by vindicatedmess
5. Winter Is All Over You by First Aid Kit
6. Touch by Daughter
7. Sadness Is A Blessing by Lykke Li 
8. I'm So Sick (Acoustic) by Flyleaf
9. Me and the Devil by Soap&Skin
10. About Your Funeral by Soley 
11. Timshel (Cover) by Kina Grannis and her sisters
12. Misguided Ghosts by Paramore

♥ Happy Listening ♥

Travel Post #1: Berlin, Germany! (July 24th)

     Hello and Happy Thursday! :) Today, I am finally forcing myself to buckle down and begin blogging about my travels through Europe this summer. These posts will be going up throughout the next month or so, because unfortunately, breaking them up by day is the only way I can keep these entries from getting too long and unsightly. On top of that, I have just begun training for my new job, which is over eight hours per day. Plus I have 200ish pages of reading to get done before September 19th. Basically, doling these travel logs in small increments makes this process much less of a struggle. I'm sorry if it makes for tedious reading, but I hope you enjoy regardless!

July 24th, 2013

     After three connection flights and around 17 hours of travel, my two cousins, Kyle and Kenna, (You will be seeing a lot of them, so might as well give a proper introduction) and I arrived in the Berlin airport at about noon. Customs was practically nonexistent as we snaked our way to baggage claim, and luckily my sister, Natalie, was there to receive us on the other side. It was the first time I'd seen her in almost a year! As she'd been living in Berlin for 11 months, she showed us how to use the S-Bahn and refused to let us nap for more than an hour because she feared our sleeping schedule would be off for the duration of our trip. Though incredibly considerate of her, it meant we weren't allowed to go to bed until 9pm. Or, in our accustomed time zone, 12pm.

     The time awake was not too dreadful, however, because Natalie took us to East Side Gallery! It is this gorgeous collection of graffiti art on what still remains of the Berlin Wall. It's quite insane to think about the fact that 30 years ago, people could be murdered for attempting to climb over it. But I love that its dark past has been transformed into something beautiful, and something in constant fluctuation. Which I suppose could be extended into a metaphor about Germany itself. My sister claims the reason she loves Berlin so much is because it was weighed down by communism and war, but the city is now coming back alive! That must be fascinating to watch. I also became increasingly interested by the people in Berlin because, at least some of them, were walking pieces of history. Anyone over the age of 40 or so could potentially remember what it was like when the Wall was up. It was just a thought that struck me whenever I saw older folks. This is a bit of a ramble, but it's quite cool to think about. 

     I also really liked something fairly new on the Wall (my sister said she didn't recognize it from the last time she visited), which was a photography display of different walls keeping people fenced in and out throughout the world. There are a lot more than I knew about?! That's a quite frightening thought.... And the exhibition included the wall on the border of Mexico and California, which resonated with me for obvious reasons.

Anyway, here are some photos from the East Side Gallery :)

     For lunch, my cousins and I had Döner for the first time, which is a popular Turkish fast food item. Though I'm sure it is wonderful most of the time, this particular time there was a GIANT, BEIGE, HALF-MYTHICAL MOTH FLY THING desperately trying to escape from the glass compartment where the red onions were kept. It was just staring at me and desperately ramming into the glass after I'd finished ordering. But I had been in Germany for less than 24 hours, and I didn't want to be that entitled tourist, so I didn't say anything. In the end, I'm glad I didn't speak up because Natalie casually mentioned while we were eating outside that Europeans don't care as much about bugs landing in their food. Unfortunately, I'm a spoiled and picky Californian, so I was plagued by mothish-horror-filled thoughts, and could not finish my meal. But my sister loves Döner, so don't steer away from trying it simply because of this story! Haha. I'm just haunted by it... casually... I tried to eat a Döner sandwich in Vienna and literally couldn't get my mind over the matter. That was when I finally confessed a much less disturbing version of this story, in the hopes of explaining my point of view without ruining their lives as well.   

     Afterward, we also went to this airport-turned-public-park called Tempelhof to hang out with one of my sister's Spanish friends and just chill out for a bit. They drank beer. Kyle took a light snooze on the grass. We saw people dancing interpretively. It was nice.

      After a long day of walking and experimenting with new things, I made a bed on my sister's floor out of a single sheet with two puffy, winter coats underneath for padding. Needless to say, it took less than a half hour to fall asleep.

♥ To be continued... ♥

Music of the Month: August 2013

     If you read my "Back Home." post, you know that I went through a major LIGHTS phase while I was traveling around Europe. When I turned on my phone, she was the only artist I would think to listen to. When I was able to attract Wifi in our hostels, I feverishly looked up interviews and remixes and acoustic performances. Though I fell in love with a few songs off her Siberia (Acoustic) album, specifically the stripped down version of Toes, earlier in the year, this trip made me really appreciate Siberia itself.

     Never listened to Sibera (the album)? I highly recommend Flux and Flow (which I listened to A LOT on my trip, though I really do not care for the rap verse), Siberia, Cactus in the Valley, Suspension, And Counting (omfg when I looked this up on YouTube, the first choice was a video from Majestic Casual and I find that hilarious for some reason), and the lovely instrumental that is Day One. It feels a bit stupid to suggest that many songs, but it's a brilliant album. Siberia is a huge step up in complexity and rawness from The Listening. I prefer that grittiness to the clean sounds of her debut album. Basically, I'm just in love with the direction Lights is going. 

     I also think that her vocal abilities have skyrocketed over the past few years, as can be seen by this May 2013 performance in Toronto. I listened to this acoustic rendition of Flux and Flow almost as much as Lights' cover of "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2.

     When I returned from my trip, I sorted through the entire month of Cathy's Tumblr that I missed, and read the most recent posts on her Blogspot (and by clicking over there I just realized I've missed her two most recent posts... how....), which lead me to rediscover Gravediggress by CocoRosie. Which I then had stuck in my head for three days. Not complaining whatsoever.

Links: Lovely New Discoveries of the Month

• A beautiful live arrangement of Sing to the Moon by Laura Mvula.
• MØ- Pilgrim, in which the video totally reminds me of old school Lana Del Rey clip splices.
• As discovered on August 31st, Narcissus is Back by Christine and the Queens. 
• While I was in Forever 21, Go to Sleep by Lupe Fiasco blasted throughout the store and it was great.
• I'm not sure if this counts as a new discovery because surely Cathy has shown me this song before, because I know she introduced me to the band earlier this year. But I really love this rooftop performance of Wolf by First Aid Kit.
• Though I'm not proud, I jam to Work by Iggy Azalea..... I'm just.... Sorry, guys.
• But to redeem myself, this month I jammed even more to The New Workout Plan by Kanye West.

  
      My favorite find of August was one given to me by none other than my best friend, Cathy. While I was in Europe, she found via Tumblr this list of "10 Queer Rappers You Should Check Out." Cathy showed me a fair few of the people on this page, and my favorite is most definitely RoxXxan. Her songs are catchy, British, and badass. I also really love the way she combines feminine and masculine elements into her work, and her personal style, particularly in the video for "Too Fucking Facety." Her sense of fashion in general is just really, really great. And that hair. And if you watch so much as one interview, you can tell she's smart as hell and understands that balance of self-image, marketing, masculinity, femininity, and being true to one's vision. She owns all of it without hesitation.

If you ever need a breath of life, listen to my favorite of RoxXxan's songs, "Power"

♥ Happy Listening ♥

Delta Rae: 8/31/13

     

     Wow, I just realized that it is September! Absolutely insane. I'm still adjusting to the fact that it is 2013, and yet we are quickly closing in on the end of the year. As it is, my summer is almost at an end. I start training for my new job this coming Wednesday. But I am so lucky to have spent my last Saturday night of exemption seeing Delta Rae live at a free lake concert. Everything about the experience felt so much like summer: lawn chairs, popcorn, old friends, outdoor music, drunk middle-aged white people, and fireworks at the end of the show. My friend even made a surprise guest appearance! It was a near-perfect evening. 

     A one-man band called Low Volts opened. Though his stage presence wasn't necessarily the best, it's kind of rough to be a great musician performing in a suburban town at a free concert like you don't matter. In truth, he was quite good! His show had a very rockabilly-vibe to it. I do not think the older people around us were his target audience, and thus they didn't really like him, but hopefully he still enjoyed the experience. 

He tweeted this last night:

And here's an Instagram video of the fireworks, as mentioned in said tweet.

     DELTA RAE came to the stage around 8PM. To be honest, I only knew one of their songs (and not from the True Blood promo, which I guess is a thing?! Did not know this until last night. Good for them!) and yet I was beyond giddy when they stepped on stage. I hadn't been to a concert in a very long time... experiencing live music at the hands of a really talented and passionate band is incredible. I feel seeing music live is the closest I'll ever get to ~religious experiences. Though some of Delta Rae's songs wade a little too far into the country genre for me, I loved their set! You can really tell how much they love what they do. And their diversity and talent is crazy. The bassist played an electric upright base and a bass guitar. The keyboardist also took to the guitar and sings really well. In fact, four of the members are incredibly talented vocalists who build their music off wicked harmonies, and took the lead position in turns. My favorite of which was Elizabeth Hopkins, whose voice was raspy and broken, and whose passion was obvious, whether she was singing lead or banging on the giant "Delta Rae" drum or shaking a tambourine for added percussion. Also, I found out afterward, three of the members are siblings with a rather confusing last name (Hölljes?!). That's pretty cool.

     If you get a chance to see Delta Rae live, please do. They have so much love for the music they play. And personally, I don't think their recorded tracks do justice to the quality of their songs.

Delta Rae will performing "If I Loved You" on the Conan O'Brien Show this Thursday!

 
     As there was no danger of my camera being knocked out of my hands by a rightfully-enthusiastic mosher, I decided to bring my Nikon D60 to the show. None of these photos are edited because I don't think they necessarily need it, and I've noticed that when I do edit pictures, they look CRAZY OVERDONE on Mac systems. The contrast ratio on their monitors is very, very different haha.

...And enjoy this magical creation that I made after the concert last night,
A.K.A. Cathy's new facebook profile picture: 

♥ Happy Listening ♥

Making Me A Fighter

     The Katy Perry phase I mentioned in my last post was centered around one song in particular, "Who Am I Living For?" I'd be lying if I said this wasn't because the lyrics reminded me so much of Daenerys Targaryen, the most empowering character of all-time ever and my khaleesi for the rest of my days, from the HBO show Game of Thrones and George R.R. Martin's A Song of Ice and Fire book series.

I mean, look at these lyrics:

"It's never easy to be chosen, never easy to be called,

Standing on the front lines when the bombs start to fall. 

I can see the heavens, but I still hear the flames calling out my name."

     Inspired by this, I devised plans for a playlist about Daenerys in my travel journal, originally titled "Dany, Pop Princess." Obviously, the title had to go, but the theme remained the same: empowering pop powerhouses to narrate Daenery's rise to complete badassery.

I'm proud to finally present, Making Me A Fighter.

Making Me A Fighter from reservoirsnogs on 8tracks Radio.

      I'm very proud of this fanmix (which also makes an excellent workout playlist, I might add), and all of the thought I put into selecting each song and determining the order of its appearance. I'm also quite happy with the artwork I designed for it. With that in mind, I'll quickly take you through some of the choices I made.  

Season One

1) Rootless - Marina and the Diamonds. Chosen to match the fleeing of Dany and her brother, "The Beggar King." Though Daenerys expresses a deep desire to go home, nothing resembling 'home' exists anymore.
2) Who Am I Living for? - Katy Perry. Chosen to show the frightening but truthful feeling Dany has that perhaps there is greatness in store for her.

3) Domesticated - VersaEmerge. Chosen because though Daenerys is the wife of a Khal, she was never meant to just be "someone's wife." The Iron Throne is not meant for her brother or her son, even; it's for her.

4) My Blood - Ellie Goulding. Chosen for Dany's decision to trade her son and succumb to dark magic in an effort to save her husband.

5) Drive My Soul - Lights. Chosen for the realization that it is time to let go of her husband, as afraid as she may be.

6) Last Hope - Paramore. Chosen for Daenerys' emergence from the flames with her newborn dragons at the end of Season One.

 

 Season Two 

7) Scared of Lonely - Beyoncé. Chosen for Daenerys' desperation and fear for the death of, or abandonment by, her khalasar at the start of this season. 

8) You've Got Time - Regina Spektor. Chosen because of the lyrics, "Remember all their faces, remember all their voices. Everything is different the second time around." She must appear strong and take risks to save her people. There is no one to save her and her khalasar but Daenerys herself.

9) The Outsider - Marina and the Diamonds. Chosen to show Dany's relationship to Qarth and its people.     

10) Dreams So Real - Metric. Chosen for Daenerys' journey through the House of the Undying. Though she sees strange visions and loved ones from the grave, she must suppress fear and continue on by herself.  

11) Bring Me Down - Kanye West.  Chosen to illustrate Daenery's final push into the realm of a royal mindset. When Pyat Pree, Xaro Xhoan Daxos and (in the show) Doreah think they can betray her, she punishes them ruthlessly and regains her power, along with her dragons. I especially think the lyrics, "They gon' have to take my life before they take my drive, 'cause when I was barely livin', that's what kept me alive" applies to Dany. She came from nothing, and will persevere. 

 Season Three

12) Fighter - Christina Aguilera. If I had to pick one anthem for Daenerys, it would be this. Everything she's been through has made her both badass and fiercely compassionate. She began as a meek little girl, learned to stand up for herself, and evolved into a legendary and insanely inspiring Fighter. 

13) Beat It - Michael Jackson. Chosen to illustrate the way in which men try to fight Daenerys. I love the lyric, "Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man," because Dany always gives men the option to surrender peacefully, but their masculine pride leads to their downfall.

14) Bring the Noize - M.I.A. Mainly chosen for the lyric, "Just 'cause I'm a mum don't make me thick." Daenerys' compassion and motherly character traits only make her stronger, though ignorant opponents perceive them as signs of weakness. And so, she is ready to crush them into dust.

15) One Beat - Sleater-Kinney. Chosen because I find this song to be very empowering. The song instrumentally and vocally sounds so powerful. Lyrics on the topic of rising and discovering don't hurt either.

16) Handlebars - Flobots. Chosen to match the immensity of Daenerys' string of conquers in the last season. If she wants to do something, she will sure as hell achieve it. And with her track record of freeing slaves, stopping rapes, and having an unfailing aura of chosenness throughout the show, the lyrics "my cause is noble, my power is pure" fit all too well.

     Maybe it's strange that I put this much effort into a playlist, but I'm very proud of this creation. I have never been empowered by a character like I have been by Daenerys Targaryen, the impact of which is made even more meaningful by the fact that one time I heard Emilia Clarke say in an interview that if one woman felt empowered by Dany, then she'd done her job. I'm that one woman, and there are thousands of more just like me. I've said it once and I'll say it again: I watch the scene of Daenerys buying and then freeing the army of the Unsullied every time I need to get pumped up for something. Afterward, I feel like I can climb Everest. And I caught up with seasons one and two of Game of Thrones simply because I saw the scene and wanted to know the context surrounding it. Dany means a lot to me, and my love for her keeps swelling as I make my way through the first book. I hope you take a listen and enjoy!

♥ Happy Listening ♥  

Back Home.

     Hello, friends! As can be deduced from the title and the current date, I've been home for a few days. Europe was amazing, and though leaving the Berlin airport saddened me, I experienced a near-equal level of happiness as we landed in Washington D.C. Seeing a Wendy's in the airport made me far more excited than it probably should have. And sleeping in my own bed on the night of August 19th was such a relief.

     Over the next few weeks (I haven't decided exactly how I will space out my traveling posts), I will tell the stories of my journey through Europe this summer. First, I feel some film and music-related updates are in order. 

 On planes to Houston, Texas and to Frankfurt, Germany

1) Our plane to Houston was super swanky, and their selection of films was beyond compare. Though it'd never appealed to the animation-lover in me before, I decided to watch Wreck-It Ralph for a good portion of the flight. My first instincts were completely off on this one; IT WAS AMAZING. While it is true that it's been a month since seeing the film and I do not exactly remember why I loved it so much, I do feel this intense, lingering sense of adoration. It was adorable and heart-wrenching at some scenes. I highly recommend a watch! 

2) During the nine-hour flight from Houston to Frankfurt, I decided to watch Side Effects. I'd wanted to see this film for a long while, and ended up having a reverse-Wreck-It-Ralph experience. I was disappointed and almost angry about the ending. To avoid any spoilers (because it is a bit of a thriller), let's just say the person I was rooting for ended up being the villain. Which isn't always a bad thing. But in this case... the ending just made me roll my eyes a bit. And by a bit, I mean I finally know what the inside of my skull looks like.

3) Seeing as I had a lot of time to kill, I then flipped through the music catalog.
 All that is written in my travel journal is "Bjork - All Neon Like," so I'd gander it was a favorite. Listening now, I do quite like the song. Lend an ear for yourself:

     At some point, while most everyone was asleep and the plane was in near-complete darkness, I listened to the entirety of the Les Miserablés (2012 version) soundtrack and mouthed along to the few lyrics I knew haha. Watching people sleep on a plane while listening to a very emotional musical is quite the humorous contrast.

4) The last film I watched was Identity Thief, because my options were far more limited than the flight to Houston. The movie was much better than I expected, actually! And I'm especially grateful that it ended up being a story of friendship rather than romance. True, it'd be cool to have a comedy in which a traditionally good-looking guy falls in love with a woman who is what modern society considers "fat," but romance in this case would have been too predictable for my liking. It was refreshing to see a film where falling in friendship is just as important as falling in love. So I give it points for that. But on another note, the only two People of Color in the film were villains... which made me a bit uncomfortable, to be honest. Just things to consider. My verdict: I wouldn't watch it again, but Identity Thief is not the worst movie you'll see in your life.

5) Lastly, as we flew over Germany in the morning, the plane allowed me to tune into a German radio station. It played a lot of American music, but there were a couple of songs that I'd never heard before.

I particularly liked (oh my god, looking up the lyrics now, it is so weird to discover that this song is by The Script. I used to hear them sometimes in middle school, when I listened to "VH1 Jumpstart" every morning as I got ready for school.) If You Could See Me Now by The Script:



...and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS SONG!! I totally jammed out in my seat at 6AM on a plane.
Liebe Ist Meine Rebellion by Frida Gold:



Gallivanting across Europe : 
     Before leaving, I put a bunch of random music on my phone, not knowing what I would want to listen to while spending a month away from my laptop. I went through two notable phases during my trip: the two-country-long Katy Perry phase, and the two-week-long Lights phase. And my Lights phase was extensive-- when possible, I just sat and watched interviews, becoming ever more fascinated with the way she speaks, or I flipped through dozens of acoustic performances to hear her development as a singer. For whatever reason, she captured my attention (hurhurhur, if you listen to Lights: get the reference?) on this vacation.   

     I also developed a habit of listening to music in museums when I could not handle tourists' constant buzzing. On my 8Tracks, I'm planning on putting up all of the beautiful, slow songs I listened to while watching the sunset from the top of the Eiffel Tower, and making a separate playlist of rockabilly songs Cathy gave me, which I ended up listening to (and literally dancing around to) in the Musée d'Orsay. Keep an eye out for those!

      So this post doesn't get horrifically long, I'll simply leave here the song I was infatuated with for the majority of my trip. I would get so elated when the Wifi in our hostels was cooperating, simply because I felt a constant NEED to listen to this. Here is a cover of U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking for" by Lights. 

 

On the plane back to Washington D.C.
      I only had the ability to watch movies on my eight-hour flight from Frankfurt to Washington D.C. (though I'm lucky I got movie options during the longest chunk of airtime), and the journey seemed to take forever! This time around, films didn't make the hours go any faster. 

1) The first movie I chose was Admission. I have a deep love for Tina Fey, which is why I was surprised when my main complaints about this film were on the basis of feminism. The mother in the film, who was actually a total fucking badass, was not treated as a feminist queen, but a constant joke. I couldn't shake thoughts of The Straw Feminist trope, as addressed by Feminist Frequency, while watching. In addition, the resolution left a strange aftertaste because the main character basically trades in her career for motherhood. This isn't inherently bad, but media is notorious for making women choose between one or the other! I know her arc was about not staying in the same place out of fear, but couldn't they have thrown in some kind of new and exciting job for her at the end, rather than having her new-found happiness defined by her boyfriend and the possibility of motherhood? In the end, this movie didn't just feel like a sub-par romantic comedy, it felt borderline offensive.

2) While I was watching Admission, the woman next to me was watching Safe Haven. While I had no interest in checking it out before, catching glimpses of a few scenes (especially discovering that Cobie Smulders plays a minor character) peeked my interest. My viewing experience was simply lukewarm. I'm not sure how I feel about the film's portrayal of domestic violence; I liked the scene where Katie talks about her depression in relation to the abuse, but I felt a slight lack of continuity when she shows no signs of fear or nervousness when her new beau yells at her during their first fight. I've fortunately never experienced domestic violence, so I suppose I'm not in any position to talk on the subject. But the movie felt a little bit like "abuse is a one-time thing and then you meet your new boyfriend and he fixes you and it's totally fine," which seems wildly inaccurate to me. In summary, I won't be watching the film again. But, side notes: Julianne Hough looks gorgeous with that haircut. Live your dreams, girl. Also, I found it beyond amusing that Cobie Smulders and Julianne Hough had WAY more sexual tension and chemistry than the two main characters.

3) A favorite of my parent's, I decided to watch When Harry Met Sally..., circa 1989. I am obsessed with Meg Ryan's fashion over the course of the movie! Her post-high school 70s outfit is definitely my top pick. As said by my cousin, her fashion arc is crazy similar to that of our mothers', making it all the more enjoyable. I also really adored Carrie Fisher's presence! When her name appeared in the opening credits, I thought maybe she would be in a few scenes and blend in with the wallpaper, but she played a significant character! The Star Wars kid in me was rather excited. But I digress. To the important stuff: this movie was my favorite of the three I watched by far. It was such a great romance film, and Meg Ryan's character was so relatable and entertaining. It was quite elevating to have her high-maintenance qualities not be seen as crazy and in need of fixing, but aspects of her personality to be loved and appreciated. She had opinions, but some of them changed with her personal development. And when she faked an orgasm loudly in a restaurant to prove a point... flawless. Much love. Just... YES!!

     And that is a pretty comprehensive round-up of the media I consumed during the end of July and first half of August. I will be posting more about the films (most of which have been documentaries) I've watched and the music I've listened to since returning to California soon! I will also been working on travel posts as much as possible before starting training for my new job on September 4th. Feels good to be back at the keyboard! :) 

♥ Happy Watching / Listening ♥