Miscellaneous Thoughts

     (Oooh look! I made a vision board at the end of Winter Break to pump me up and get my motivation back. I cannot say it's entirely working, but I love it nonetheless. Gotta be my own cheerleader, you know? It's hanging in my bedroom as we speak, and I like to look it over before going to bed... how do you inspire yourself?)

     

    The first night of relaxation since the beginning of Winter Quarter. I am alone in my apartment tonight, watching Lost for the first time in weeks, and chowing down on Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips... and I am the most calm I've been since going back to school.

     I don't really know what I want to talk about today. I am currently feeling hormonal and lonely. I have been very overwhelmed with the volume of schoolwork I've endured and will have to endure this quarter... Next week, I have a paper due, a debate in my French class, a workshop about sexual assault to design and carry out, and a study abroad application to complete. The Sunday I returned to Irvine, my two roommates and I agreed that we had a bad feeling about this year. Not sure how I feel now. I haven't posted on this blog in two weeks, meaning I've already broken one of my Winter Quarter goals. I have been really into making smoothies. Even though I have seen Blackfish three times, I still do not trust it simply because it is so praised. And it is a documentary. It's really hard for me to trust documentaries. Also, fun fact: on IMDB.com, the first credited actor is "Tilikum," portraying "Himself." This week, I went to the movies by myself for the very first time. And what a movie Her is. Once the short review I wrote for Her Campus is live, I will go a little more in depth about some of my thoughts. Just know: holy hell, I loved it. It is the best film I have seen in theaters in a very long time.

     Speaking of Her Campus, here are some articles I did last quarter:

• How Healthy Is Your Relationship?, which I wrote in honor of Domestic/Dating Violence Awareness Month in October. I am not an expert on the subject, but I utilized the handouts from my Campus Assault Peer Education class, so the information should be accurate and useful, I hope!
• Mind Blown: Dramatizations of Hit Pop Songs. Basically a playlist of upbeat songs that were turned really emotional, depressing, or beautiful. Half of the songs I submitted are not even on here, but still enjoyable.
• UTCinema: 12 Years A Slave. This is the first in a series I'm creating about movies playing in the theater adjacent to campus! The little cinema only plays indie films, which is pretty unique and wonderful. I stand by what I said in this review; I still think Patsey is the most important character, which is why I am going to be very annoyed if Lupita Nyong'o does not win "Best Supporting Actress" at the Oscars. I know Jennifer Lawrence is a cool and relatable person, but her win at the Golden Globes was outrageous. Seriously? I am sorry, but no! Lupita is a brilliant actress and an incredibly well-spoken woman. I think she deserves to win, and if you need convincing, I suggest you watch this video:

What else is on my mind at this moment? 

Hmmm... there have been a lot of attractive women on Tumblr this evening. 

       

(What is this blog about? We just don't know...) 

Okay, I need to go to bed now. Have a wonderful Sunday, everyone!

An Argument for Unselfish Social Interaction

     Hi everyone! So... it's been a while. While I would like to say that I am going to really commit to writing more often in the coming year, such certainty feels like an empty promise at this point. I will try. But I took on way too many commitments this academic year and this Fall Quarter has been, for various reasons, by far my worst since starting college. I will probably post some pictures from my adventures in Europe last summer, but it would be a bit tedious and overdue to go full-out and write about my travels. I barely remember the trip, if I am being completely honest. It feels like a strange dream I had one time. But today, I am going to write about something else entirely, with an important tie-in.

Me living my dream in front of Notre Dame de Paris.

     Though I am happy and incredibly grateful that I was able to go abroad last summer and visit so many places that I had only seen through a computer screen, there has been a thought plaguing my mind since returning to school: we may have missed the point. We may have missed the point of traveling. Being immersed in history is mind-boggling for certain, and seeing famous landmarks is a weird combination of completely normal and totally amazing. Sometimes being in a building is enough. For example, I cried sitting in the Notre Dame simply because it was the Notre Dame that I was sitting in, and I had been dreaming of sitting in the Notre Dame for years. I would not hesitate to revisit such a breath-taking place (but maybe not during July or August, the height of the tourist season.....). It is one of the only things in my life that I can refer to as a dream-come-true.

    But after returning to the United States, I wish we had not only seen all of this wonderful history and art, I wish we had MET more people. I wish we had more stories to tell. My cousins and I befriended a kid that we randomly kept running into in Rome, but he was not European. We gravitated towards him because he, like us, was a young Californian trying to figure out what to do with himself. He was cool, and I'm glad we had the opportunity to figure out Rome together. But of all the people we brushed shoulders with, why did we buddy up with the one guy that we could have run into anytime at home? 

    In most cities, we simply kept to ourselves... which is why I think we may have missed the point of traveling. I think the point, truly, is to meet people from different cultures than my own, and to expand my mind about what it is like to not be a nineteen year-old, white, middle-class woman from Southern California. The point is to learn, and to make crazy fun memories with the friends you meet. My cousins and I are all very shy people, but I wish we had set fire to that part of ourselves, and tried to have a drink with teenagers in pubs and converse with the travelers hanging out in the same hostel. That is MUCH easier said than done for someone with my personality. But I think I may have figured out how to make that change.

    Which brings us to December 21, 2013, the night of the Winter Solstice. The best party I have been to in a very long time. Cathy and her wonderful sister, Ali, planned a "feminist goth Winter Solstice party," that turned into a combination of dark decorations, black clothes, The Nightmare Before Christmas running in the background for a record five times, jam sessions with guitars and a ukelele, and baking delicious vegan cinnamon rolls. 

And no alcohol. 

     I knew exactly three people in a sea of unfamiliar faces, was not afforded any liquid courage, and somehow I spent the night doing nothing but speaking. Having CONVERSATIONS?! WITH STRANGERS?! It was strange and incredible. There was a point where I came downstairs and everyone I mildly recognized had disappeared, but somehow I fought the desire to hide out and just started talking to the remaining three in the living room. We bonded over our love for Cathy's oldest dog, and sat on the couch discussing family dynamics for a least twenty minutes. Later, I was at a table talking about body image with one of Cathy's closest friends, a girl I had just met for the first time. During jam sessions where we screamed out well-known tunes, I was complimented on my singing voice by strangers. And when I was overcome by a coughing attack (due to a lung infection I procured during Finals Week... fun) and had to excuse myself, a guy I had met an hour earlier stopped me to ask if I was alright. This probably sounds like a list of inconsequential things... but I have never felt this comfortable during a party. People being welcoming and inclusive?! Me not planted on the couch, downing a mixed drink and enduring forced small talk?! It's practically unheard of.

    The only word I can think of to describe the experience is "refreshing." Take what you will from that, but it was quite the change of pace from my usual strategy of: slink my way into the party, get overwhelmed, nervously grab the nearest drink, poorly play beer pong with an even worse partner, and end up drunk out of oblivion by the end of the night. With a head-pounding hangover the next day. I am used to conversations in which neither you nor the person you are talking to will remember the next morning, and so this new wave of connection got me really thinking about the way I approach social interaction in general.

 

The struggles of preparing vegan cinnamon rolls, and Cathy admiring her musical boo  

 

 Giovanni painting an eyeliner mustache on Chantal, and Ali preparing Winter Solstice decorations

     The problem that I face with parties is that I am too focused on how others perceive me. I try to be funny not for the enjoyment everyone can get from it, but so that people will think I'm funny. And I often end up drinking way too much because I try to shut up those voices telling me that I am as interesting as the wall behind me. I often end up not speaking at all because trying for small talk means trying to impress the other person.

    With the Winter Solstice party in mind, I have discovered that the reason I don't have fun at parties is purely the mindset behind it. This whole time, I have been going about social encounters all wrong... I have seen them in such a narcissistic way! The goal of a conversation should not be to win another person over, but to GET TO KNOW the person you are talking to. It seems so obvious. But because I tend to focus on how I am perceived, the person I am talking to doesn’t even matter. Does it make a difference who they are? No! Because in this mindset, that person does not exist as anything more than a potential source of validation or rejection. They are a receiver of the signals I am transmitting, and their reaction is the only thing I value them for. This needs to change. I may be the main character of my own life, but when I go out into the world, I should not be blind to all of the lives happening around me. I need to stop seeing parties as a room full of unfamiliar faces, but of human beings with human lives that I just haven’t met yet. They are people who deserve to be recognized and listened to.

    Often times I struggle with the feeling that I do not fit with the crowd I’m wading through, but that feeling should not be a source of anxiety. I’m figuring out that, maybe, it should be preferred. While there is only a handful of people who are similar to me, there are billions in the world who are extremely different. I should be trying to learn about their life and their unique experiences, and how they found themselves at this party to begin with. Being able to relate and be understood is wonderful, don't get me wrong. It can be so validating! But I have this new-found realization in me, telling me that I miss out on so much because I do not work to understand people who are so obviously and wildly different from me. 

Wise words taken from Pinterest.

    So I guess that's what this post is about. If you are like me, and parties make you incredibly nervous, don't just shut down and find the nearest drink to take the edge off. Have fun, but do not rely on alcohol to function in the discomfort. You don't need it! Just work on changing the way you think about social interaction. Do it selflessly! If you are out traveling, don't avoid eye contact for fear of getting sucked into a conversation. I was so embarrassed to be American while abroad that I tried not to speak altogether. Instead, no matter where you are, I encourage you to just go with it. 

    Strand yourself in the middle of the world and learn how to swim. Learn how to exist in a social space. Accept that it is okay to be uncomfortable, but do not let your discomfort stop you from fully experiencing the conversation at hand. It is important to be mindful of your words and actions, but don't do it for yourself. Don't be self-aware to gain fans, do it with the intention of making everyone else feel comfortable and respected. The world is filled to the brim with seven billion fascinating people with completely one-of-a-kind lives. Like you, they deserve to be validated and challenged and respected. You all could discover so many new things from spending five minutes together. So do it. Get out of your head, go beyond yourself, and take in so much more than the impression you give off. I have a feeling that with practice, this way of thinking will change everything.

♥ Happy Learning ♥

Back Home.

     Hello, friends! As can be deduced from the title and the current date, I've been home for a few days. Europe was amazing, and though leaving the Berlin airport saddened me, I experienced a near-equal level of happiness as we landed in Washington D.C. Seeing a Wendy's in the airport made me far more excited than it probably should have. And sleeping in my own bed on the night of August 19th was such a relief.

     Over the next few weeks (I haven't decided exactly how I will space out my traveling posts), I will tell the stories of my journey through Europe this summer. First, I feel some film and music-related updates are in order. 

 On planes to Houston, Texas and to Frankfurt, Germany

1) Our plane to Houston was super swanky, and their selection of films was beyond compare. Though it'd never appealed to the animation-lover in me before, I decided to watch Wreck-It Ralph for a good portion of the flight. My first instincts were completely off on this one; IT WAS AMAZING. While it is true that it's been a month since seeing the film and I do not exactly remember why I loved it so much, I do feel this intense, lingering sense of adoration. It was adorable and heart-wrenching at some scenes. I highly recommend a watch! 

2) During the nine-hour flight from Houston to Frankfurt, I decided to watch Side Effects. I'd wanted to see this film for a long while, and ended up having a reverse-Wreck-It-Ralph experience. I was disappointed and almost angry about the ending. To avoid any spoilers (because it is a bit of a thriller), let's just say the person I was rooting for ended up being the villain. Which isn't always a bad thing. But in this case... the ending just made me roll my eyes a bit. And by a bit, I mean I finally know what the inside of my skull looks like.

3) Seeing as I had a lot of time to kill, I then flipped through the music catalog.
 All that is written in my travel journal is "Bjork - All Neon Like," so I'd gander it was a favorite. Listening now, I do quite like the song. Lend an ear for yourself:

     At some point, while most everyone was asleep and the plane was in near-complete darkness, I listened to the entirety of the Les Miserablés (2012 version) soundtrack and mouthed along to the few lyrics I knew haha. Watching people sleep on a plane while listening to a very emotional musical is quite the humorous contrast.

4) The last film I watched was Identity Thief, because my options were far more limited than the flight to Houston. The movie was much better than I expected, actually! And I'm especially grateful that it ended up being a story of friendship rather than romance. True, it'd be cool to have a comedy in which a traditionally good-looking guy falls in love with a woman who is what modern society considers "fat," but romance in this case would have been too predictable for my liking. It was refreshing to see a film where falling in friendship is just as important as falling in love. So I give it points for that. But on another note, the only two People of Color in the film were villains... which made me a bit uncomfortable, to be honest. Just things to consider. My verdict: I wouldn't watch it again, but Identity Thief is not the worst movie you'll see in your life.

5) Lastly, as we flew over Germany in the morning, the plane allowed me to tune into a German radio station. It played a lot of American music, but there were a couple of songs that I'd never heard before.

I particularly liked (oh my god, looking up the lyrics now, it is so weird to discover that this song is by The Script. I used to hear them sometimes in middle school, when I listened to "VH1 Jumpstart" every morning as I got ready for school.) If You Could See Me Now by The Script:



...and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS SONG!! I totally jammed out in my seat at 6AM on a plane.
Liebe Ist Meine Rebellion by Frida Gold:



Gallivanting across Europe : 
     Before leaving, I put a bunch of random music on my phone, not knowing what I would want to listen to while spending a month away from my laptop. I went through two notable phases during my trip: the two-country-long Katy Perry phase, and the two-week-long Lights phase. And my Lights phase was extensive-- when possible, I just sat and watched interviews, becoming ever more fascinated with the way she speaks, or I flipped through dozens of acoustic performances to hear her development as a singer. For whatever reason, she captured my attention (hurhurhur, if you listen to Lights: get the reference?) on this vacation.   

     I also developed a habit of listening to music in museums when I could not handle tourists' constant buzzing. On my 8Tracks, I'm planning on putting up all of the beautiful, slow songs I listened to while watching the sunset from the top of the Eiffel Tower, and making a separate playlist of rockabilly songs Cathy gave me, which I ended up listening to (and literally dancing around to) in the Musée d'Orsay. Keep an eye out for those!

      So this post doesn't get horrifically long, I'll simply leave here the song I was infatuated with for the majority of my trip. I would get so elated when the Wifi in our hostels was cooperating, simply because I felt a constant NEED to listen to this. Here is a cover of U2's "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking for" by Lights. 

 

On the plane back to Washington D.C.
      I only had the ability to watch movies on my eight-hour flight from Frankfurt to Washington D.C. (though I'm lucky I got movie options during the longest chunk of airtime), and the journey seemed to take forever! This time around, films didn't make the hours go any faster. 

1) The first movie I chose was Admission. I have a deep love for Tina Fey, which is why I was surprised when my main complaints about this film were on the basis of feminism. The mother in the film, who was actually a total fucking badass, was not treated as a feminist queen, but a constant joke. I couldn't shake thoughts of The Straw Feminist trope, as addressed by Feminist Frequency, while watching. In addition, the resolution left a strange aftertaste because the main character basically trades in her career for motherhood. This isn't inherently bad, but media is notorious for making women choose between one or the other! I know her arc was about not staying in the same place out of fear, but couldn't they have thrown in some kind of new and exciting job for her at the end, rather than having her new-found happiness defined by her boyfriend and the possibility of motherhood? In the end, this movie didn't just feel like a sub-par romantic comedy, it felt borderline offensive.

2) While I was watching Admission, the woman next to me was watching Safe Haven. While I had no interest in checking it out before, catching glimpses of a few scenes (especially discovering that Cobie Smulders plays a minor character) peeked my interest. My viewing experience was simply lukewarm. I'm not sure how I feel about the film's portrayal of domestic violence; I liked the scene where Katie talks about her depression in relation to the abuse, but I felt a slight lack of continuity when she shows no signs of fear or nervousness when her new beau yells at her during their first fight. I've fortunately never experienced domestic violence, so I suppose I'm not in any position to talk on the subject. But the movie felt a little bit like "abuse is a one-time thing and then you meet your new boyfriend and he fixes you and it's totally fine," which seems wildly inaccurate to me. In summary, I won't be watching the film again. But, side notes: Julianne Hough looks gorgeous with that haircut. Live your dreams, girl. Also, I found it beyond amusing that Cobie Smulders and Julianne Hough had WAY more sexual tension and chemistry than the two main characters.

3) A favorite of my parent's, I decided to watch When Harry Met Sally..., circa 1989. I am obsessed with Meg Ryan's fashion over the course of the movie! Her post-high school 70s outfit is definitely my top pick. As said by my cousin, her fashion arc is crazy similar to that of our mothers', making it all the more enjoyable. I also really adored Carrie Fisher's presence! When her name appeared in the opening credits, I thought maybe she would be in a few scenes and blend in with the wallpaper, but she played a significant character! The Star Wars kid in me was rather excited. But I digress. To the important stuff: this movie was my favorite of the three I watched by far. It was such a great romance film, and Meg Ryan's character was so relatable and entertaining. It was quite elevating to have her high-maintenance qualities not be seen as crazy and in need of fixing, but aspects of her personality to be loved and appreciated. She had opinions, but some of them changed with her personal development. And when she faked an orgasm loudly in a restaurant to prove a point... flawless. Much love. Just... YES!!

     And that is a pretty comprehensive round-up of the media I consumed during the end of July and first half of August. I will be posting more about the films (most of which have been documentaries) I've watched and the music I've listened to since returning to California soon! I will also been working on travel posts as much as possible before starting training for my new job on September 4th. Feels good to be back at the keyboard! :) 

♥ Happy Watching / Listening ♥

July 23rd - August 20th

Hello! If you are reading this, it could very well mean that I am in Europe!

     Please excuse the thumbnail... It was the lesser of three evils. This blog is not as inactive as it looks; I am simply without the proper resources to update it at the moment. But in a month or so, I will be back with a wealth of travel posts! I plan to write down what we do at the end of each day, take plenty of pictures, and do a bit of vlogging when convenient. Hopefully, I will see a lot of amazing things and learn through much trial and traveling error. And surely I will have a lot to share at the end of my 4 weeks.

And here is a link to my Twitter. It's also available in the right-side column of this blog.

     Also, I did try to write a review on The Purge before heading out, but I've been unable to finish with the amount of time I gave myself. But I'm still planning on completing it! It's been over a month since I originally saw the film, and unless our entire American social and economic system dismantles in my absence, it will still be relevant when I get back. I'm sorry I'm so slow. I just know it's going to be a long one, and that makes it too intimidating to start. But most of the difficult work is done. Expect it before September hahah ;)

In the meantime,  ♥ Happy Living ♥

19 Years Growing Strong

     Yesterday was my nineteenth birthday, and I'd be lying if I said it went as planned. What was supposed to be a weekend of partying and reuniting with friends turned into a weekend of me, on the living room couch, with a fever and a massive headache. Luckily, the worst of it was on Saturday. My temperature was up to 102.2 and my swollen throat made eating difficult. Yesterday was not a walk in the park health-wise either, but my birthday was actually really great. My birthdays are always kind of "meh" and not very memorable, but for this one, I was surrounded by my immediate family and my two most important friends: Cathy and my boyfriend, Jesse. THEY FINALLY MET! I really couldn't have asked for a better present than that.

    

     On Saturday, though I was scheduled to have my first "actual" birthday party with my friends from college (some of whom I haven't seen in a month), I got to watch movies all day. Even in my sickness, I was able to enjoy the flawless Slumdog Millionaire, the classic The Truman Show for the first time, and the fascinating Life of Pi (though the ending's remark on the truth of Pi's story made me quite sad, to be honest). The best part was that my boyfriend came to visit me despite my infectious state of being. It was funny, because that morning I had been thinking "I hope my friends still have the party for themselves, but wouldn't it be romantic if Jesse came to visit me instead?" Just a passing thought. But he texted me, asking if it was okay if he dropped by later to drop a few things off.

     That evening, he showed up with a giant raspberry-colored body pillow from Costco in hand, a little red bag hung on his finger, and a bouquet of the most gorgeous flowers, in red tissue wrapping,  hugged to his chest. It was one of the most romantic things of my life, and that's not even the full story. But just the fact that everything was red, my favorite color, and the fact that he was standing in front of me when he really didn't have to be, was enough to  make me feel 3432507032% better.

     My mother graciously put the flowers into a vase while Jesse and I sat down on the couch. I read the card he bought and wrote out for me. Something about the phrase "I'm so damn in love with you" pretty much made me fall in love all over again. As we all know, words are very special and important for me. Well thought-out, effortful cards are the best part of any gift. But Jesse went above and fucking beyond. I can't. 

     I unraveled this adorable little red present to discover something he described as "small." But it wasn't in the slightest! He even confessed to me that it took him eleven hours, meaning that he'd stayed up until 10AM that morning working on it. Jesse took a deck of cards and glued pictures of us, the places we've been, and my college adventures onto the back of each individual card. Plus a few gems, like Jesse in his awkward high school stage and a card dedicated to Ryan Gosling. They were all printed on photo paper and cut to the exact size. Okay I'm sorry if this post is too gross and cheesy for you, but I started crying because that kind of effort is the kind that only I put into gifts. When I was younger, I would always take useless things and make them super personal. One time I took a checkerboard and glued pictures of my friend all over it. Another time I made Cathy a house of popsicle sticks and glued pictures of us on it. They were never practical, but they were made with love. I don't know. More than anything, I started crying because Jesse put so much effort into something for me.

     Jesse and I spent the next few hours looking up remixes and scenes from The Graduate on YouTube. Eventually, it ended with me snuggled up with the body pillow he gave me, and him rubbing my head and neck to make me feel better. It was utterly perfect.

     The next morning, he even got up early to finish his Physics homework so he could swing by and visit me again on Sunday night for my actual birthday. Plus, he arrived fifteen minutes after the other brilliant surprise of my birthday: Cathy surprised me after her shift at work to drop off soup her mother made me, and flowers! Flowers which she bought at Trader Joe's because she was low on options and is a perfect friend. And the way she told me was by calling me and being all, "Hey, are you home? Maybe you should go outside, I mean, I don't know...?" And then I look out my door and she's swerving into my neighborhood track, a beautiful display of the struggle in multi-tasking, only to park in the most adorably crooked way right in front of my driveway. She was only going to drop off the flowers, but she ended up staying the whole evening. which resulted in my two best friends finally meeting!! :) I can't believe how lucky I am.

BlogLovin'

Apparently to claim a blog on BlogLovin', which is a great site I just found on a friend's blog to help you organize all of the different blogs you follow, one needs to post this link on their blog: Follow my blog with Bloglovin. 

So there you go! I am officially on BlogLovin!!!  Hazzah!

I also made a Twitter for whatever reason, so that has also been added to the links in my sidebar.

July 4th 2013

     Yesterday, I had the honor of spending Independence Day with my boyfriend and two other friends (one old and one new!). It was quiet, and generally uneventful, but we got to spend time together. We ventured around the housing communities of my university, listened to good music, and ate the most American meal we could find (hamburgers and fries, of course). In the evening, we went to a park in my friend's hometown, which was flooded with locals and food and live music. And, when night fell, we watched fireworks! I'd never seen them that close up nor heard them so loudly!! During the fireworks show, I turned my camera onto a lower shutter speed and I'm quite happy with the results. I decided not to edit the photos either because I like them so much. Craaazyyy.

Follow the "Read More" for more photos :)

 

Planning a Trip to Europe

     Today I met with my cousins to discuss our trip to Europe this summer! I've never been very far from the U.S., much less across the Atlantic Ocean, so I'm pretty excited. I was quite nervous when I texted my cousin, McKenna, about booking plane tickets, and then the next morning I was over $1,000 dollars poorer. But now I'm just stoked. And according to McKenna, the master traveler, we've completed the most difficult part of the process: figuring out our plane and train tickets around Europe. And so ends Phase I.

We've decided our route for 25 days: July 23rd to August 19th

1. Berlin with my sister for a few days, and then we're all off!
2. Prague, Czech Republic
3. Geneva, Switzerland
4. Paris, France
5. Madrid, Spain 
6. Rome, Italy
7. Vienna, Austria 
8. Back to Berlin for a few last days
9. Then a flight back to the United States 

 I obviously cannot be active on this blog for about a month, and so I thought that I would try to film a good portion of my trip, take a lot of pictures, write down some thoughts at the end of each day, and then create individual posts about each location when I get back! I'll write a little bit, put a little video up... it'll be cool. And considering I will be bored in my hometown for the rest of August and most of September, it will be something to keep me occupied. Get excited!

♥ Happy Living ♥

The Wild Animal Park!

 

 

     Sunday was my niece's 3rd birthday and I really could not have asked for a better time. My family, as well as my boyfriend went to (what used to be the San Diego Wild Animal Park, but apparently is now called) the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. The weather was beautiful, we got to see all of my favorite animals, and I was feelin' the love all around. My niece, Audrey, was paying particular attention to me, asking me to hold her hand and go on the carousel with her and demanding that I stay with her all day. I got to joke around with my stepsister and her husband, and my parents were being especially lovely. They always are, but everyone was just so genuinely happy this day, it's worth noting! And it was lovely to have all of those family components mixed with with an incredible hangout with my boyfriend (:

 

   BABY ELEPHANT!1!1!!! And I certainly do enjoy seeing elephant family lovin'. Also, in case you haven't noticed, lions are adorable. They sleep just like my dogs at home... I couldn't handle it upon first sight. Though I adore the lion sleeping on the hood of this jeep, my favorite has to be the lioness below, on the left in the third picture. Reminds me of myself. What a flawless, majestic creature hahaah.

  Also, until April 7th, there is this thing at the Safari Park called "Butterfly Jungle," where you get to step into a giant atrium/cage/thing full of butterflies. You just walk around and there are butterflies fluttering about everywhere, and they land on you and it's just an all-around cool experience. I'm doing a terrible job of articulating what exactly it is... But hopefully you get the general idea. I was kind of afraid of them when I first stepped in, but it doesn't take very long to get used to butterflies surrounding you. Unfortunately, I think because I was maybe wearing a cheetah-print cardigan, none landed on me. But still - amazing!

      A Close-to-Perfect Day. Forgive all of the corniness that is about to ensue, but I'm so fortunate to have had this great start to my Spring Break, and to have so many great people to share it with. Particularly my lovely boyfriend, seeing as he's the newest edition. Question: Are you ever a little, little, little bit unsure of where you stand with a person, nervous that they'll get sick of you after a full day in your company, or scared that there will be awkward pauses that cause you to cringe and hope the ground swallows you up? I was the tiniest bit afraid for my boyfriend to come down and spend the entire day with my family and me, but I'm so glad that it happened. It was literally one of the best days I've ever had, and all of my worries have completely dissipated. I think I can officially cross #9 off my New Year's Resolution's List. I can more than think out loud in front of my boyfriend; I can nonsensically babble, I can share whatever is making me anxious, I can sing for no apparent reason, I can do anything without fear of rejection. It's an amazing feeling, being in love. Spending 30 hours together, and that not even being enough. Wow, this post is cheesy as hell, but it's the truth. And it's a blog - you gotta bring everything back to the big, lifey picture. Such a wonderful day, a wonderful year thus far, and something that's shaping up to be a wonderful life.

♥ Happy Exploring ♥

My Brain

      My brain may actually be disintegrating. While most people finished finals today, or yesterday, or maybe even Monday like my roommate, I have my last final tomorrow. But the thing is, my brain physically hurts. And I am honestly so tired, and I think I'm experiencing some kind of stress cold. As I have previously mentioned, I was burned out long before finals week. And though I have been able to endure up until this afternoon, I really feel I have no choice but to surrender for the night. Good luck to you if you have a final tomorrow, or soon, or eventually <3 As said by some random post that I saw on Tumblr, your mental health is more important than your GPA. Keep that in mind, because I definitely am.

So I AM GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP... if you are in need of some laughs, please click below.

♥ Happy Watching ♥

Take Care the Body.

    Today, I had my final lecture for my Asian American Studies class. Such an incredible course; it really fed my love for critical analysis, the books we read were usually extremely interesting, especially the last two (which I will go more into later, during Spring Break.) Not to mention that in my discussion section, we analyzed modern pop culture like Korean hip hop (during which we were shown the "Are We There Yet?" by Dumfoundead music video, which I mentioned in February's Music of the Month post. Ugh, so good.) and the Harlem Shake. How one definition of the Harlem Shake can mask an original meaning. Amazing, amazing! I'll probably go more into depth as to why I loved this class during Spring Break, but for now, I want to leave a quote here.

"Take care the body. See you after the War." 

     This is the final line of the final book we read in class, "All I asking for is my body" by Milton Murayama. For whatever reason, this line really resonated with me. Maybe you have to read the entire novel to understand, but it's just a really powerful statement for me. Something about it just stuck in my chest. It's like telling someone, "Take care of yourself, and I'll see you once the hard times are over." There is something so strong and so inspiring about it. I repeated this phrase to myself the entire walk back to my dorm. It's especially impactful when you've seen the theme of the human body carried throughout the book, how it is abused by plantation work, how boxing can be a source of freedom, how the body is sexualized as you grow, how it must be subjected to the potential horrors of war in exchange for citizenship. I just loved the way this story, with its larger themes, was told through the metaphor of the body. It's not just the physical body to be taken care of, but the human soul. I am absolutely moved by it. 

     This is probably not making any sense outside of my own head, but I just wanted to share this line with the world before I go about my everyday. I think I'll make a sign out of this and post it in my dorm room, to look at as I exit for the day. A reminder to take care of myself and my body, and whatever happens out there, I'll be back in my safe space soon. Obviously none of my hardships have ever been even close to Kiyoshi's, but after seeing the world through his eyes for one hundred pages, I understand it's meaning, and knowing how significant that line is to him and his family causes me to feel so many things. I can't explain it. 

     Anyway, I need to get back to studying. See you guys soon!

Finals Be Comin'

     Soooooooooo I know I have not been the most committed of bloggers in general, but I just wanted to put this post out there so I could take the pressure off myself officially. It is Week 10 in the UC quarter system, and that means that finals are right around the corner. Despite the fact that I am 500% done with this quarter, I need to get my ass in gear and begin studying. My goal for this quarter is to get straight As, and then perhaps by the end of next quarter I can get up to a 4.0! A bit lofty, but I shall try.

Spring Break for me begins on March 24th, so until then, I probably will not be posting any content. Except for maybe a post about becoming a published writer for an online magazine ;) we'll see!!

     And if you are stressed about finals, take a deep breath! Though grades are very important, especially to me, it's not the end of the world if you do not do well this term. My big sis Serena got below a 2.5 GPA her spring quarter of first year, and then she came back this past fall quarter and made the Dean's List. Plus, school is not for everybody. Everyone's got a talent. Maybe cramming a ton of information into your brain while getting high off caffeine and slowing decaying in an uncomfortable library chair isn't yours. I feel like all of my posts have been super inspirational lately? Whoops, sorry. I won't get much more into it :P Anyway, good luck on your finals!!

♥ Happy Studying ♥

On Being Burned Out by School

Here's a pep talk for you, love: 

     

     As you may or may not have noticed, I'm having some issues keeping up with this blog while school is in full swing and kicking my ass every day. Don't get me wrong, Winter Quarter has been beyond wonderful on a personal level; I've fallen in love, I've crossed some once very anxiety-inducing things off my 13 Goals for 2013, my sorority won Greek Week 2013, I've made some break-throughs about drinking and haven't had to rely on it as much, and I've moved in with my best friend (which has made a huge difference to my daily happiness, lemme tell you! haha). But due to the fact that I've added one more academic class, a leadership class, and am actually involved in Tri Delta this quarter because I am without mono, I am quite busy. Which is something I'm really not used to, so adjusting has been a tiring experience.

I've reached a point where, last weekend, my motivation to stay ahead and keep working to the best of my ability has waned significantly. Recently, I've just kind of said to myself, "You know what? Fuck it! I'm done." and procrastinated on my studies, without every feeling the relaxation that should come along with it. But when you have like 200 pages of reading to do every week, plus assignments to go along with it, plus attempting to give quality group presentations worth 15% of your overall grade, plus writing papers, plus running around trying to catch the bus and make as many sorority events as possible, plus trying to spend time with your hallmates who somehow seems to be on top of their lives, you get tired. And it's understandable to be tired. I love this school (and at times, I feel like I'm the only one :/) and I'm so happy... and so thankful that my little life has expanded into something this lovely! But I am beyond ready for Spring Break to come, so I may recharge and start over next Quarter with a new plan of attack. Three and a half weeks to go!

College is a learning experience. So here's what I've learned this quarter: 

1. You have to figure out what schedule makes you most efficient, and personally, though I've never realized it before this year, I'm a morning person. Currently, my schedule involves all afternoon classes (and I usually still get up at 8AM and attempt to groggily do homework before class... so what's the point of me having afternoon classes, really?), and by the time I get back, it's dinnertime. Then, I've either got a sorority meeting to jet off to, or I want to just chill out. Most of the time, after 7 o'clock, my brain is done for the day haha. Next quarter, I am going to try and build my schedule so I can finish at 2pm, get as much work done before dinner as possible, and have the night hours to myself.
2. It's really hard to keep your weight down when mealtimes are the only purely enjoyable part of your day. This sounds stupid, but because I am constantly doing work, food has become a real source of comfort for me, unfortunately. I've definitely gained weight and have been really inconsistent in getting my ass to the gym. Next quarter, when I get my life and schedule together, it will be easier, I hope!
3. Keeping your focus in a dorm room is next to impossible. I hate the effort it takes to gather up all of my stuff, inevitably forgetting something of course, and going over to the Academic Center to get homework done, but it's really hard to focus when I'm in this comfortable little space. With my bed next to me, my best friend now sitting right across the room, and most of my really good friends within walking distance, it's hard to concentrate. Not to mention that my boyfriend and I now live on the same floor. The only time I can be really efficient is if all of my hallmates are gathered in one place, watching a movie I don't care too much about or off at commons eating at odd hours. It sucks, but sometimes you have to separate yourself from the things you love so you can get everything done.

It's not much; I'm sure there are plenty of other lessons I've picked up the last eight weeks, but I can't quite think of them right now. Being so completely and utterly done with this quarter, I got up at 9:30AM (and yesterday I got out of bed at 10:30... the desire to stay in bed has been especially intense this past week), took a long shower, painted my nails, and now I'm just listening to music and writing until class. Because I decided last night that I am not going to do any homework today. Not before class, not before my sorority formal tonight. Nope. None. Because I am burned out. But it's all going to be okay. Everyone goes through these phases. And if you're feeling the same, just remember to keep your head on straight, guys (:

(by Sebastien Millon)

♥ Happy Living ♥